Sunday, April 12, 2009

i dont even want to come up with a title because words cant describe what I feel...

I was diagnosed with PCOS about 3 weeks ago and I was actually somewhat relieved because I had discovered the reason behind my back acne, abnormal hair growth, paralyzing cramps, irregular periods and, the worst in my opinion, weight gain (30lbs in 5 months) So far, I have just been put on Yaz, and nothing has changed at all. I have been trying to lose weight for the last 5 months, eating a high protein, low carb, 1200 calorie-a-day diet and exercising everyday, but I have not lost a SINGLE POUND! In addition to all of my physical problems, I have developed emotional ones too. I have become increasingly depressed and I just get this odd sensation about 10-15 times a day that nothing will ever change and I will be stuck in this unfortunate fat, acne-ridden, joke of a body for the rest of my life. My parents are getting fed up with all my crying (about 5 times a day) and they dont understand how hard this is for me. I was somewhat of a heavy child in elementary school but in middle school and the first two years of high school, I was an acne-free, 110 pound beauty who was always complimented. Over the last 8 months or so, all of that has changed. I have gained 30 pounds (all of which went to my rear-end and thighs) and my face as become more and more acne-cursed. I am losing interest in most of the things I used to love, like taking pride in my school work and spending time with friends, and now I just want to lay around all day and cry. The good thing is that when I'm upset, I eat less. The bad thing is that my body seems to store every single calorie I take in, so even 1200 calories a day may cause me to gain if I dont get my usual 45-60 minute daily exercise. I just want to know that there is someone out there who understands where I'm at and can help me figure out whats wrong with me! I was tested for hypothyroidism and insulin resistance, but both times the tests came back normal and made me even more depressed and hopeless. I just want to know what I need to be doing so I can lose some weight! I'm only 5'3.5" tall and 17 years old, I don't want to be a hermit for the rest of my life! I'm so embarrassed about the way I look that going to school and church is a major emotional struggle. I can't take this anymore! I just want to be a normal teenager again and I want to feel attractive and know that it is possible for someone to love me!

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